Things you don't want to hear during surgery:

1. Better save that. We'll need it for the autopsy.

2. "Accept this sacrifice, O Great Lord of Darkness."

3. Bo! Bo! Come back with that. Bad dog!

4. Wait a minute, if this is his spleen, then what's that?

5. Hand me that... uh... that uh... that thingy there.

6. Oh no! Where's my Rolex.

7. Oops! Hey, has anyone ever survived from 500 ml of this stuff before?

8. There go the lights again?

9. "Ya know, there's big money in kidneys? and this guy's got two of 'em."

10. Everybody stand back! I lost my contact lens!

11. Could you stop that thing from beating; it's throwing off my concentration.

12. What's this doing here?

13. I hate it when they're missing stuff in here.

14. That's cool. Now can you make his leg twitch by pressing that one?!

15. Well folks, this will be an experiment for all of us.

16. Sterile schmerile. The floor's clean, right?

17. OK, now take a picture from this angle. This is truly a freak of nature.

18. This patient has already had some kids, am I correct?

19. Nurse, did this patient sign an organ donation card?

20. Don't worry. I think it is sharp enough.

21. What do you mean "You want a divorce?!?"

22. FIRE! FIRE! Everyone get out!

23. Oh no! Page 47 of the manual is missing!


Definetly things I would not want to hear. And I just had
surgery recently, scarry thought.

Parents Definitions

Words that you or I would commonly use for one meaning, have a completely different meaning to parents in a family...

AMNESIA: condition that enables a woman who has gone through labor to have sex again.

BOTTLE FEEDING: an opportunity for Daddy to get up at 2 AM too.

DEFENSE: what you'd better have around the yard if you're going to let the children play outside.

DROOLING: how teething babies wash their chins.

DUMB WAITER: one who asks if the kids would care to order dessert.

FAMILY PLANNING: the art of spacing your children the proper distance apart to keep you from falling into financial disaster.

FEEDBACK: the inevitable result when a baby doesn't appreciate the strained carrots.

FULL NAME: what you call your child when you're mad at him.

GRANDPARENTS: the people who think your children are wonderful even though they're sure you're not raising them right.

HEARSAY: what toddlers do when anyone mutters a dirty word.

IMPREGNABLE: a woman whose memory of labor is still vivid.

INDEPENDENT: how we want our children to be as long as they do everything we say.

LOOK OUT!: what it's too late for your child to do by the time you scream it.

OWWW: the first word spoken by children with older siblings.

PRENATAL: when your life was still somewhat your own.

PREPARED CHILDBIRTH: a contradiction in terms.

PUDDLE: a small body of water that draws other small bodies wearing dry shoes.

SHOW OFF: a child who is more talented than yours.

STERILIZE: what you do to your first baby's pacifier by boiling it and to your last baby's pacifier by blowing on it.

STOREROOM: the distance required between the supermarket aisles so that children in shopping carts can't quite reach anything.

TEMPER TANTRUMS: what you should keep to a minimum so as to not upset the children.

THUNDERSTORM: a chance to see how many family members can fit into one bed.

TOP BUNK: where you should never put a child wearing Superman jammies.

TWO-MINUTE WARNING: when the baby's face turns red and she begins to make those familiar grunting noises.

VERBAL: able to whine in words.

WEAKER SEX: the kind you have after the kids have worn you out.

WHODUNIT: none of the kids that live in your house.

WHOOPS: an exclamation that translates roughly into "get a sponge".

Women's Comeback Lines

Man: Where have you been all my life?
Woman: Hiding from you.

Man: Haven't I seen you someplace before?
Woman: Yes, that's why I don't go there anymore.

Man: Is this seat empty?
Woman: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.

Man: Your place or mine?
Woman: Both. You go to yours, and I'll go to mine.

Man: So, what do you do for a living?
Woman: I'm a female impersonator.

Man: Hey baby, what's your sign?
Woman: Do not enter.

Man: How do you like your eggs in the morning?
Woman: Unfertilized.

Man: Your body is like a temple.
Woman: Sorry, there are no services today

Man: I would go to the end of the world for you.
Woman: But would you stay there?

Man: If I could see you naked, I'd die happy.
Woman: If I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.

Man: If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put u and i together
Woman: Really, I'd put f and u together

Camp Rock Movie

My daughter wanted this Camp Rock movie for her
birthday, when I priced it last month it was $29
well I went to walmart last week and got it for
$19 what a big difference. It's not much but with
the Hannah Montana movie it adds up quick. She's
a little spoiled she got both and a Hannah
Montana guitar.

10 reasons why people of the world think Americans are crazy

Americans are crazy...

1. A pizza gets to our house faster than an ambulance.

2. There are handicap parking places in front of skating rinks.

3. Drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.

4. People order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke.

5. Banks leave two sets of front doors unlocked and open and then chain their pens to the counters.

6. We leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.

7. We use answering machines to screen calls and then have "call waiting" so we won't miss a call from someone we don't want to talk to in the first place.

8. We buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in package of eight.

9. We use the word "politics" to precisely describe our crazy process: "Poli" in Latin means "many" and "tics" means "bloodsucking creatures".

10. We have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering.

11 signs you love someone:

ELEVEN:
You walk really slow when you're with them.


TEN:
You feel shy whenever they're around.


NINE:
You smile when you hear their voice.


EIGHT:
When you look at them, you can't see the other people around you, you just see him/her.


SIX:
They're all you think about.


FIVE:
You relize you're always smiling when you're looking at them.


FOUR:
You would do anything for them, just to see them.


THREE:
While reading this, there was one person on your mind this whole time.


TWO:
You were so busy thinking about that person, you didnt notice number seven was missing. clever huh?


ONE:
You just scrolled up to check & are now silently laughing at yourself.

Country Style Stuffed Peppers

4 green, red or yellow peppers

8 oz. pork sausage

1/4 cup chopped onion

1 1/2 cups cooked rice

2 cups (8oz.) 100% Natural Kraft shredded cheese

1 medium tomato, chopped

Preheat oven to 375

Remove tops, seeds and membranes from peppers

Crumble sausage into skillet, cook with onion.

Drain excess fat. Stir in rice, 1 1/2 cups cheese and tomato.

Fill peppers with sausage mixture, top with remaining cheese.

Arrange in 9-inch square baking pan: add 1/4 cup water.

Bake 30 minutes or until peppers are tender.

Makes 4 servings.

Prep time: 10 minute

Cooking time: 30 minutes

Home Made Paste

Make your own homemade paste and enjoy

a cut-and-paste party.

ou will need 1 cup water,

1/2 cup flour, a pinch of salt.

Mix water and flour together slowly in saucepan.

Add salt and bring to a boil over low heat.

Stir until thick and glossy.

You Know You're Too Stressed If...

1. You can achieve a "Runner's High" by sitting up.
2. The Sun is too loud.
3. Trees begin to chase you.
4. You begin to explore the possibility of setting up an I.V. drip solution of espresso.
5. You wonder if brewing is really a necessary step for the consumption of coffee.
6. You can hear mimes.
7. You say the same sentence over and over again, not realizing that you have said it before.
8. You believe that if you think hard enough, you can fly.
9. Things become "Very Clear."
10. You ask the drive-thru attendant if you can get your order to go.
11. You say the same sentence over and over again, not realizing that you have said it before.
12. You begin speaking in a language that only you and Chanelers can understand.
13. The less sense matter and matter is more than sense.
14. You and Reality file for divorce.
15. You can skip without a rope.
16. It appears that people are speaking to you in binary code.
17. You say the same sentence over and over again, not realizing that you have said it before.
18. You have great revelations concerning: Life, the Universe and Everything else, but can't quite find the words for them before the white glow disappears, leaving you more confused than before.
19. You say the same sentence over and over again, not realizing that you have said it before.
20. You can travel without moving. Antacid tablets become your sole source of nutrition.
21. You discover the aesthetic beauty of office supplies.
22. Losing your mind was okay, but when the voices in your head quieted, it was like losing your best friend.
23. You say the same sentence over and over again, not realizing that you have said it before.

Signs That You Have A Boring Job

1. You're introduced to everyone as "The Minesweeper God".

2. You have visited every website in the world.

3. You're the Spelling Bee Coordinator in rural Alabama.

4. You are the only one that is ready for the rush of ticket sales for that New Kids on the Block reunion tour.

5. You're able to pull staples out of papers with your teeth.

6. Your doctor says that he's never seen someone exposed to so much photocopier radiation in his life.

7. You've seen the late night commercial for the Chia Dildo.

8. Your workload is so intense that you can write Top 10 lists all day long.

9. In your 10 years on the force as an Amish Traffic Cop, you have not had to write one single speeding ticket.

How are you SAHM's making money?

I would like to know if anyone out there is willing to help
me or steer me in the right direction? I just lost my job,
getting ready to lose my home. I would love to be able
to make enough from home to pay all the bills, so I don't
have to work outside the home. Any advice or help?

Moma's not making much

I'm not much money right now. A little which is

good I'm not complaining but I am waiting for

the big bucks to start rolling in so I don't have to

work outside the house. Cause it's falling apart

when I do.

Does money drive you?

Does money drive you?

Your Score: 42% Money is important to you, but it isn't the most important thing. You do know that money is needed to solve lots of problems, but it isn't the most important thing in life. There are far more factors that need to be considered before money, like love, for example.

Take this quiz at MyHotComments.com

What is wrong with people?

I have noticed people are very angry.

I was going to the store the other day

with my daughter minding my business

like I always do. Then out of the blue this

car full of (Looked like young kids) just

started yelling and screaming at me, calling

me names, telling me they were going to

beat me down. My little girls in the back

seat scared to death. So much hatred with

people. And she is seeing how people are.
She says mom I don't ever want to act

like that. I'm more mature than they are.

Makes me so proud to hear her say that.

I am loving this weather

This weather is so nice. I can finally open

my windows and let the house get fresh air.

I don't like being all closed up and all musty

feeling. There is such a nice breeze.

Reading Test

I found this surfing on the internet. Thought I would share with others. Its crazy.